The last few days I’ve been feeling a bit weird. I’ve been feeling emotional, and longing for a good hug. Especially if it’s from B. I believe my intimate encounter with him not only satisfied my lustful urges, but also awakened an emotional part of me. I’m beginning to wonder if i actually do have feelings for him after all. Much as I want to deny these feelings in my head, they seem to be there. Is this what love feels like? I know we are much more than ‘just friends’. Normal buddies don’t just have sex with each other. I wonder if he’s going through the same things as me.
We had agreed beforehand that we’d just play around with no strings attached, but still, it felt to _me_ it was much more than just sex… I feel I’ve become closer and know him so much better now. We shared something deep and sacred.
The critical and rational side of my brain tells me that i want B to be my friend who i can talk to openly about my sexuality and help me explore myself, and to vent out my frustrations. From experience with prior girlfriends (and hearing experiences from others), when a friendship turns into a steady relationship, conditions change, people change. You’d look at your partner differently and you can’t really talk about certain things like you used to. I don’t want things to change with B. We’ve got a great thing going here and I don’t want to risk losing it. Taking it to the next level is a gamble.
These emotions I’ve been feeling are so alien to me. I’m I finally feeling ‘love’ for the first time? I didn’t feel this way with my ex-girlfriends. I don’t know. Do I want to know? Should I care? I’m looking for answers but don’t know where to start. I don’t know.