My unsettled emotions turned into anger and grief today and I think I’ve pissed a few people off, most of all Jeremy who’s been really patient with me all this while. The first thing was that Jeremy and I were chatting about what was said in yesterday’s post and what I’m going through, but i kept getting distracted by another guy I was chatting with who got me riled up about the way I work and how it’s ‘supposed to be done’. Here I was trying to balance two conversations regarding two subjects equally important to me and pissing both people off.

Eventually I closed off the work-related chat and just focused on one, but I’ve had to scoot mid-discussion due to a lunch appointment which dragged on a little longer than expected. I never did get to finish it because when I next saw Jeremy a few minutes ago we only exchanged a few sentences and _he_ had to go. He didn’t sound too pleased to see me.

One of the things brought up during that earlier chat was that I’m looking for answers before they are due. I am by nature inquisitive and have a thirst for knowledge. Is it possible to know too much? As I’ve said I have a good thing going and all I’m afraid of making the wrong decisions and fucking my whole life up. I’d want to make an informed decision so that would mean analyzing the cards I’ve been dealt. Obviously I can’t have the whole deck and I don’t expect that. It’s just that I don’t understand what my cards mean or how to play them.

I’m upset because I have upsetted other people just by speaking my mind. Yes I will admit I have some flaws and take life for granted. My biggest problem I guess is that I very well know that some of my actions and decisions would hurt me yet I run into them head on, like how I expected something to happen that night I booked the hotel room, when I very well knew I shouldn’t have, and I got disappointed because of the unfavourable result. The chat with Jeremy too. I know he is genuinely trying to help me out but I became defensive and thick-headed for some reason, though I know what he’s saying about me is true. If you’re reading this, Jer, I’m truly sorry if I was an ass and I really want to work it all out again. Thanks.


The last few days I’ve been feeling a bit weird. I’ve been feeling emotional, and longing for a good hug. Especially if it’s from B. I believe my intimate encounter with him not only satisfied my lustful urges, but also awakened an emotional part of me. I’m beginning to wonder if i actually do have feelings for him after all. Much as I want to deny these feelings in my head, they seem to be there. Is this what love feels like? I know we are much more than ‘just friends’. Normal buddies don’t just have sex with each other. I wonder if he’s going through the same things as me.

We had agreed beforehand that we’d just play around with no strings attached, but still, it felt to _me_ it was much more than just sex… I feel I’ve become closer and know him so much better now. We shared something deep and sacred.

The critical and rational side of my brain tells me that i want B to be my friend who i can talk to openly about my sexuality and help me explore myself, and to vent out my frustrations. From experience with prior girlfriends (and hearing experiences from others), when a friendship turns into a steady relationship, conditions change, people change. You’d look at your partner differently and you can’t really talk about certain things like you used to. I don’t want things to change with B. We’ve got a great thing going here and I don’t want to risk losing it. Taking it to the next level is a gamble.

These emotions I’ve been feeling are so alien to me. I’m I finally feeling ‘love’ for the first time? I didn’t feel this way with my ex-girlfriends. I don’t know. Do I want to know? Should I care? I’m looking for answers but don’t know where to start. I don’t know.


Remember my buddy B? I’ve been keeping in touch with him, and finally had a chance to finally catch up with him. He had been overseas for a few days on work, and was supposed to be back on Thursday evening. I had it all planned out to meet him for dinner, some drinks and some sex. We’ve already got an understanding that we’d do it with no strings attached. He knows I’m exploring my own sexuality, and he’s happy to be with me.

I think i got a bit ahead of myself because even though I didn’t have confirmation of the arrival of his flight back, I had booked us a room at a hotel where we could spend the night together in private. We messaged each other on our mobile phones, but i think not all my messages actually got through to him when he was overseas. Anyway, I only got word that he’d be landing at 11pm, so i waited, and waited. At midnight only did I get a message from him saying that he’d just arrived, and horror of horrors, his mom was at the airport to pick him up. Thus, he’d be whisked back home and not likely to come back out that night, being as late as it was.

I knew I shouldn’t have harboured any expectations, but I still did, and it got the better of me. I was very disappointed at the no-show of B that night, and just took a shower and went to bed. I lay alone in that hotel room thinking it wasn’t meant to be like this. I figured I had just wasted my effort and money on this preparation and slept with a heavy heart.

The next morning I woke up around 7:30am and was writing B a SMS expressing my disappointment and regret at how things had turned out. Before I sent it out I actually got an incoming SMS from none other than B himself. He told me he wanted to come to the hotel that morning to see me. That got my heart racing again and I called him back immediately and told him where I was.

When he arrived, we didn’t talk much before he gave me the biggest hug and we just embraced each other for a long time. Seemed he missed me as much as I missed him. We were making out and rolled onto the bed. Shirts came off. We’d kiss, sometimes heavily, sometimes light gentle pecks. He’d suck and play with my nipples, then he’d glide his tongue over my chest, up my neck, under my armpits, sending electrifying waves of pleasure I’ve never ever felt before. It was a totally new experience and I did the same back to him, and seeing it had the same effect on him.

It didn’t take too long before pants came off too, and here we were, two guys stark naked, locked in embrace and aroused by each other’s presence. Occasionally he’d give me a blow job, and this time I actually returned the favour and I think he appreciated it. There was once I was lying on my back and he was actually fucking my face even. I managed ok for a novice, and didn’t gag at all.

B brought a surprise, a bottle of something called ‘Rush’ which i figured to be poppers. I have never done any drugs in my life, but he assured me this was safe and non-addictive. We both took a whiff out of the bottle and it felt warm, and gives a light-headed ‘high’ feeling, as if when you’re drunk. It is said poppers make you feel hornier but I wasn’t too sure if it had that effect on me. Maybe I was already horny enough as it is.

We’d hold each other closely, dicks touching each other and grinding our hips together. He’d hold both our dicks together and stroke them simultaneously. We’d touch each other’s body, exploring the feelings we get when different parts of the body is caressed. We’d lie there and stare into each other’s eyes. We’d kiss with our tongues probing each other’s mouth. We’d sometimes talk about how we feel about the situation that we’re in, my sexuality, his emotional state. We were crystal clear on our intents and needs of each other.

I asked him to fuck me in the arse, but he refused. Insisting I wasn’t ready for it. He kept dissuading me saying that it’ll hurt. He wouldn’t even hear of doing the opposite, me penetrating him. After much persuasion, I managed to coax an explanation out of him. For him, doing anal is a very emotionally intimate act, and he was afraid if he did it, he might not be able to control his emotions for me. He’s been hurt too many times and vowed not to let that happen again, and I respect his decision and did not pursue the matter further. In this I realized his sincerity and commitment to making this work out for both of use without compromising our present level of the relationship, that is one that’s purely mutual pleasure and exploration between two close friends.

Well we continued playing with each other and got to caressing and tickling the arse hole and that erotic zone of flesh between your butthole and your ball sac. He even once used his tongue and gave me a lick around my asshole, sending the wave of pleasure all the way up my spine. I lubed up his finger and asked him to stick it in. He did, slowly. I must’ve been really tensed up as he said I was damn tight. Still he managed to get his finger in and it drove me wild. He fingered me and brought me to orgasm. I cummed a huge load on his chest and drenched him. I massaged my cum on his chest and kept kissing him while he stroked himself to orgasm too. We lay next to each other basking in the afterglow for a short while before getting up and took a shower together to clean up.

All in, we were at it for just over 3 hours. I was in no hurry and wanted it to last as long as it could, savouring the companionship and pleasure we were giving each other. It was the best time I’ve had in a long time, and a much welcome experience in discovering how sexy our own bodies are as a whole, especially when sharing it with another person. A far cry from masturbation which is focused on the dick, not that it isn’t fun, just a different sensation.

After we cleaned up, I checked out of the hotel and we had lunch and chatted more about stoic stuff like work and travel. He still had to get back to work after lunch (he had taken half-day leave under the pretense of exhaustion from his overseas work and travel) so we parted ways. I don’t know when will be the next time I’ll see him again, but I hope it won’t be as long as the last gap of 2+ years.

More than just sex

The last few days I’ve been very emotional. I’ve been doing a fair bit of chatting with some of my new-found friends. It came as a big surprise to me that these people I’ve just met are knowledgeable, highly intellectual and very caring. It totally blew away my preconceptions that people put up profiles to hook up with others for sex (cyber or IRL).

I’ve been talking to Jeremy over the last couple of days about a lot of different things, and a lot of it had to do with past experiences of mine. Some good, some bad, all gut-wrenching. Having all these emotions wash over you in such a short span of time makes you really mellow and vulnerable.

Despite that, I’m happy to have brought it all out. For many years, these have been things have been burdens I’ve kept to myself, wanting to share it with someone I could trust but not being able to find such a person in my life. I’m not comfortable with myself yet to come out to my friends or family. The anonymity of the net certainly breaks the tension of speaking out face to face.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a good listener to my friends’ problems and been an advisor and counsellor to them on all kinds of issues including relationships (hetero, of course). I am quite empathic and sometimes to the point of having trouble distinguishing it from my own emotions, and letting them take over my conscious and critical mind. This has resulted in many occasions where I’ve put myself too far involved in others’ problems that I myself am at risk of a breakdown. Conversely, I personally don’t show much emotion in public, tending to keep it all to myself. And bottling up emotion is never a good idea.

I really don’t know what’s the point of this post, I seem to be rambling on without much coherence. I’m exhausted and I need to sleep. Perhaps I’ll edit it again tomorrow.

I’ll admit that my initial goal for joining these online communities was to hook up with other rubber fetishists to explore that aspect of my sexuality through the gear and possibly some play sessions, but I seem to be getting more than what I bargained for, which is a good thing. I just hope I can keep it up.


It’s been almost 2 weeks since I decided to put up a profile on the RubberList. It took me a lot of deliberation before deciding to do it. I’m normally a shy and reserved person but I figured if I wanted to meet other people who shared my fetish and for myself to explore it further, I’d need to make my move. It’d be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for me to meet other like-minded rubbermen in real life.

And how successful has it been? Well, initially I was mainly checking out other people’s profiles (some of the guys are HOT!), but as it turned out, the way RubberList works is that the other person also gets to see who’s been looking at their profile. I even noticed some ‘celebrities’ were among the Rubberlisters. I call them celebrities because I recognize their nicknames from their photos featured in many Rubbermen issues, and they being my favourite guys in rubber. Eventually I built up the courage to send some of these guys a brief message.. usually a simple “hi” and maybe admiring their pics or complimenting on their looks. ;) Surprisingly, most of them actually responded back! By then I also started getting a few messages from other members. I’ve chatted with some of them and gotten to know a few people better.

I’m glad that I’m not alone with my sexual confusion and my love for rubber. These rubbermen that I’ve had the pleasure to meet seem genuine and very down-to-earth, and I can see friendships starting to form with a few of them, despite the big differences in our geographical locations. The Internet really makes the world a lot smaller, but conversely, it also accentuates the physical distance of the real world. :(

Shopping for Rubber

Earlier this year I decided I just _had_ to get some rubber gear of my own, having drooled over hot guys in rubber long enough. I had been checking out retailers of rubber fetishwear online and off, and was happy to find out that Eagle Leather was right here in Melbourne. They are mainly a leather fetish shop, but supposedly stocks rubberwear as well. I was very intrigued and eventually built up enough guts to make a trip there to see what they have. Even so, I was mingling outside the shop, and pacing up and down the street a few times trying to calm my nerves. I was feeling like a teenager going into a sex shop for the very first time.

Eventually I decided to heck my inhibitions and just walk through the doors, having made it all the way there, I wasn’t about to leave empty handed, or at least without seeing what was inside. Much like this guy’s experience. I was in dizzy euphoria once inside and I was just cruising around the store as casually as I could pretend to be, despite my heart thumping like I was about to have a heart attack. I checked out their leather clothes and accessories before moving to the 2-3 racks of rubber clothes. I think I must have gone through their collection of rubber something like 10 times before I finally decided to ask the store attendant if I could try something on, and I picked out a simple short-sleeve T-shirt. He showed me the changing rooms and reminded me to use the baby powder that was in every cubicle.

My heart was racing as i powdered myself and gingerly pulled the T-shirt on. It wasn’t as skin-tight as i hoped, but then my build is a bit on the skinny side, and don’t have bulging arm and chest muscles to fill it up. I spent a long time in there admiring myself in the mirror, and feeling the rubber with my hands and on my body. I wish I had brought my camera then. After what I supposed was about 10 minutes, I finally decided to take it off, but it turned out to be more difficult than I thought. Not wanting to stretch the rubber unnecessarily, I had to call the attendant to assist, and he just pulled it off and checked for damage.

In the end I didn’t buy that T-shirt because I thought A$200 was a bit much to pay for a T-shirt and I figured I could get the same for much cheaper elsewhere, or spend that money on something better. Still, I had to get something as a memento so I picked out a plain black cock & ball sheath, and a bottle of lube.

My whole trip home was in ecstasy as the rubber t-shirt left a strong latex smell on my body and I kept getting turned on my it. I couldn’t wait to get home and try on my new sheath too. Unfortunately some friends called and invited me for dinner, so i didn’t have time to play with my new sheath. Dinner was in agony and once I got back i stripped and lubed up my cock and the sheath well and proceeded to savour the latex on my hard dick. It felt different from a condom because of the thickness. That combined with the smell of latex still on my body drove me wild and I had blew a huge load.

I’m definitely looking to get more stuff, specifically a plain hood or gas mask, a pair of pouch shorts. a t-shirt (long- or short-sleeve), a surf-suit and of course eventually a full-body catsuit. Any recommendations for a reputable store that produces good quality gear, and doesn’t charge a bomb and-a-half, would be much appreciated.

Keep it rubbered :)


Seeing as this is my first post, I might as well introduce myself.

I’m a 26 year old guy living in Melbourne, Australia and I have a fetish for rubber as a second skin. This basically means clothing made of skintight body-hugging latex.

I’ve discovered my penchant for this material during puberty when I kept getting uncontrollable hard-ons (not knowing what was going on with my body then) when I saw photos of condoms as a method of contraception in a family medical handbook. A few months later I found a pack of condoms in my parents bedroom and stole one to play and experiment with. Around the same time I learnt the pleasures of masturbation, quite by accident. It didn’t take long to eventually put the two together, and it felt really, really good. In later years I improved my jerkoff techniques as well as trying many different combinations of condoms and lubes. Even now, jerking off with a condom is still by far my favourite way of getting off. Try this – take a ribbed condom, turn it inside out (so the ribs are inside!), lube it up well, and stroke away, making sure the textured parts of the condom make contact with the highly sensitive parts of your dick.

I thought I was a bit weird enjoying the feeling of rubber on my dick, due to reading things online about how most men prefer sex without condoms and how it numbs the sensation. On the contrary I actually found it a huge turn on. It wasn’t until I came across pics of women in rubber catsuits while surfing for porn that my jaw just dropped. I thought to myself “Gosh I wish I could wear something like that”. I began searching for porn using “rubber” and “latex” keywords but most straight rubber fetish porn involves a dominatrix in rubber, and her male slave either stark naked or in simple rubber harnesses or straps. Then I discovered a site called The images of men in rubber were strangely compelling and piqued my interest. It was extremely exciting browsing the galleries and seeing all these men in shiny black rubber, and wanting to be just like them. Not being able to access the full sized images and prior issues of rubbermen was frustrating for me as a high-school student then, not having a credit card, nor any gear of my own to send in. When I got my first credit card, one of my first online purchases was membership for full access to their content. Needless to say i was ecstatic and soaked everything up like a sponge.

My sexual orientation has been a long (and still ongoing) journey of discovery. I’ve always thought of myself as straight all the way through high school. Due to parents’ tight discipline, I never got a girlfriend in my school years, and being in an all-boys school didn’t help on the socializing front. Of course there were people in my school who were outwardly camp and ‘soft’ – the stereotyped gay behaviour – who of course got the brunt of teasing and bullying from the testosterone-fueled machoismos, but I never really associated with them. I convinced myself I was straight and presented myself as such. In uni I’ve even dabbled in heterosexual relationships but none of them really worked out. I’d become really good friends with the girls, but when we take it to the next level, everything changes and it just goes sour, and luckily in most cases I was able to work it out to save and maintain the friendship.

I have a friend, lets call him B, whom I met on IRC. He was in the same uni, but in a different course. Somehow we became good buddies and clicked really well, online and off. He dropped out of uni due to financial difficulties and started working at a call center. We still kept in touch and there was one incident where he was putting in OT at his company on a weekend, and he was the only staff on hand so he couldn’t leave the office, and his office is pretty isolated without food nearby. I offered to bring some lunch for him, so i grabbed a pizza and went to his office and we shared it together. I didn’t think much about it, just being my usual helpful and generous self, but about a year later, B came out to me, not only telling me is gay, but he was also madly in love with me. The confirmation for him came on that fateful day I decided to play pizza delivery boy, saying it was such a sweet thing for me to do for him. I didn’t know what to make of it. I became incredibly confused at that time. Here was one of my best friends telling me he loves me, and I’m a straight guy (or so I thought, then) so how could this possibly work out. I really didn’t want to disappoint him but I just told him it just wasn’t possible and his poor little heart probably crumbled to pieces. Unrequited love is such a painful thing. Even so, we still kept in touch and remained good friends, but kept a respectful distance from each other for a year or so. One evening I met up with him for some drinks and he asked if he could give me a blowjob, no strings attached, something he’d been meaning to do for a very long time. We adjourned a secluded park and we started making out. He made me blow my load and sucked every single drop of cum out of me. I tried to reciprocate but I just wasn’t comfortable with it and eventually he jerked himself off. It was the most amazing sexual experience I’ve ever had, and the time I lost my virginity (if you consider oral sex as such, otherwise I’m still a virgin then). My previous relationships were purely platonic, which according to some, was why they all never worked out. After that night, I kinda drifted away from B, partly due to guilt, and I needed to do some time and space for figuring of myself out. I have since gotten back in touch with him and had open discussions about how confused I was about my own sexuality. He’s the only person I could confide in and talk about sex without shame or embarrassment. I think he has gotten over the fact that I may never be his long-term partner, but we remain very close, more so than all my other friends due to the the intimacy we have shared with each other. I enjoy his company and hope we’d become fuck buddies.

Even when it comes to porn, as far as I remember, I’ve always preferred hardcore stuff, mainly because of the presence of males and close-ups of their thrusting dicks. I felt I could associate (as much as you can when it comes to porn) :) with the on-screen action with the presence of a guy. Females touching themselves, or lesbian porn just doesn’t do it for me. I began checking out gay porn after B had planted a seed of doubt in my own sexuality, and initially I found it uncomfortable, but not disgusting or unacceptable behavior for two men to kiss and have sex. Quite eye-opening at that time.

Which brings us to the present day. I am still not sure of my orientation, but seems to be swaying both ways depending on my mood, though lately more like 60% gay/40% straight. Never having the chance to fuck a woman makes my judgment a bit biased. I still find girls attractive, but perhaps due to my prior bad experiences with them, and the complexities of understanding the female mind has made me a bit jaded and curious as to how it would work out with a guy instead.

Regardless, I find men in rubber incredibly hot and I’ve only started acquiring some gear of my own, starting with a simple cock & ball sheath. I’ve saving up for a body suit, hopefully a full-body catsuit. I can’t wait to have my whole body covered in a second skin of soft, pliable and shiny rubber, and the heady smell of latex just adds to the sexiness. Imagining myself in a full rubber suit while jerking off is usually enough to bring me to orgasm. I’ve also dreamed of being placed in a rubber vac-rack, immobile and subject to the whims and fancies of whoever else is in the room to give, or deny me pleasure. Having read some stories about machines used for milking has aroused my interest (and my dick) and would like to subject myself to the unrelentless mechanical squeezing of every single drop of cum from my body. Never having tried bondage of any sort, I can’t say if I’d enjoy it or not, but I am not interested in heavy BDSM or anything involving pain, mutilation, scat, puke, blood (!) or piss. I don’t do drugs nor smoke, and only drink occasionally. I’m not at all attracted to effeminate males, nor transsexuals and cross-dressers (sorry).